Bureaucratic Initation

Karen and my parents each sent me a package for my birthday and even though they probably arrived here last week, today was the first chance I had to pick them up. Below are the actual steps that were required of me to pick up my packages, with a few details thrown in.

1. Open the P.O. Box and retrieve yellow package slips (2:20 pm)
2. Take yellow slips to Package Delivery Room.
3. In the delivery room, take slips to Counter 3, show ID, and retrieve packages (I was relieved/excited to see that they were actually there).
4. Take packages and slips to Counter 2. Open everything, including wrapped birthday presents. Itemize package contents and explain why they were sent to you. Explain why your parents sent you plastic water guns. Receive lecture in broken-English on gun violence.* Reseal your packages with tape (minus water guns) and leave them at Counter 2.
5. Proceed with yellow slips to Room 113, the manager's office. Answer a couple of questions about the items so the manager can scribble something on the package slips.
6. Take yellow slips back to Counter 2. The man at Counter 2 translates the scribbles into the amount I owe for customs: 540 Ksh.
7. Take yellow slips to Customs Cashier. Here it is posted, and they tell you, that they do not receive customs payments here, but only at the bank. They take the slips, record some information, and print out billing info for bank.
8. Go to Room 113 to pick up two copies of billing info. (3:20 pm)
9. Proceed to Kenya Co-Operative Bank, two blocks down the street and pay 540 Ksh to Kenya Revenue Authority, windows 10 and 11. Wait in line for 40 mins.
10. Take receipt of payment and two yellow slips back to the Customs Cashier in the Package Delivery Room. Yellow slips are stamped.
11. Take itemized, scribbled, computed, and stamped yellow slips to Counter 2. Man behind Counter 2 proceeds to Room 113 to ask something about the water guns. He then tells me that if the guns were black I would have been in trouble, then stamps the yellow slips.
12. Stand in short line to pay Post Office fees: 70 Ksh per package.
13. Take triple-stamped yellow slips to Counter 3 to pick up packages.
14. Take slips and packages to "the woman scratching her head." Show ID. Explain what is in the packages. Leave yellow slips, take two white receipts.
15. Take receipts and packages to man standing at the exit/entrance to Package Delivery Room. Show ID. He writes down the info in his log book.
16. Take packages and leave! (4:35 pm)
17. Curse your birthday.

These are the documents I have to commemorate my afternoon. Sadly, the two yellow slips were kept in the possession of the Postal Corporation of Kenya.

*Bob and Yoland explained to me that most things that are rejected by customs, if they are not destroyed in front of you, are actually just taken and sold on the street, or given to family members. Thus, the lecture on water guns and violence might have been insincere, which could explain my lack of conviction.